Quality

I had a troubled night, obviously. Rattling around the house, spot cleaning, fretting until around 2AM, then finally deciding to go to bed. I knew I wanted to read something to take my mind off things. Without thinking about it, I looked through my bookshelves and instinctively picked up a book that is very special to me. It's one that I've returned to at various points over the last couple of years to read sections of over for pondering, although I've never read the whole thing through again. It's a book that's meant to be digested slowly, and although I've read it before, I read the first 4 pages--twice; stopping in places, rereading, exploring. The book and experiences that came with it the first time through were life altering.

Tossing and turning for another hour after, I finally fell asleep, only to wake up an hour later after having a horrible nightmare. I didn't get up. I let myself fall back to sleep in the time it took and woke up feeling better. The demons were purged; I just had to allow them to surface to get them out. Intuition is good to follow and so hard to hear with life sending very loud counter advice.

There is someone special I wanted to get a gift for, but didn't know how to do something really special on a severely limited budget and without a lot of time. I woke up this morning with that person on my mind, and knew exactly what I was going to do. I'm not sure if I would exactly call the feeling I have Christmas spirit, but listening to my intuition reminded me how to do, be and appreciate Quality. I'm not worried about Christmas anymore, or gifts, or my sister's visit being too much in too cramped quarters. I'm not worried about much of anything right now, just going to appreciate what I have, what I can give, and the gift I unexpectedly gave myself. It was most definitely what was best.